Lying in the Sickness
by The Lovely Ghost a Broken Doll
Summary: I got cocky again. I never knew that you would do this and now that I know, I'm not allowing it. You will not have any control over me, not when you're already dead...


Hey everyone! The Lovely Ghost is here! I'm actually taking a break from my other chapter-full stories and taking my time to upload these easy, complete stories so I hope the like them. If you want a sequel to it then please review me and let me know. Thank you for your time in reading these and I hope I don't get any hate reviews, those are mean. ='[

I've gotten cocky again; I didn't realize he was so close. I never meant for things to go this far, I just wanted some fun but he fell for me and I think I'm falling for him. I didn't know his name until half way through this because it didn't matter to me; all that mattered was the rush, the feeling of being alive. Never would I have imagined that someone would have been able to fall for a monster like me. I was an abomination and he just happened to like me.

It terrified me that he was like that, that he truly loved me, no man should be able to love a repulsive creature like me yet here he is, standing before me, telling me he loves me. I couldn't take it, I broke down. I cried and cried, I treated him like shit and yet here he was, treating me with so much care that I couldn't bear the feelings that were thrust at me, the guilt and the shame began to drown me. I broke down even further, the more he cared for me, the more I began to shatter into tiny pieces.

I had to run away from you, I needed the space to understand this pain in my chest. You were a poison I couldn't rid myself from, a venom that devoured its prey into insanity, sucking away their soul. I locked my heart up then, trying to deem whether this feeling was good or not, whether I should allow you the chance to dig under my skin and revel in the feeling of breaking down my walls. I know I shouldn't have let this get so far, but I don't know how to tell you that this is a mistake, that I never wanted to be with you like this.

I wanted to break you, I wanted to hurt you so I could feel the empty bliss that I so desire but I can't, I just can't bring myself to hurt you that badly. I loved the feeling of watching you cry, I tried so hard each time to bring the tears to your eyes over and over again. You couldn't see it, but I was smiling, actually smiling at your pain but now, now that feeling is going away. I don't want you to cry anymore, your tears gave me such a good laugh at one point, I'm too sadistic for my own good, but now they hurt me, they sting.

My body becomes numb and I can't handle the intense pain that soon follows after. The burning inside my veins causes me to thrash around violently; I hit and swing at anything I can to ease the fire flowing through me. I try to hit the outside of me so I can focus on it instead of the inside of me. It's not helping me; I can't deal with this pain inside my body. I need something to numb the pain, I need my choice of poison but I don't really have one.

I need some type of drug to poor through my system, maybe overpower this pain and allow me some piece of mind. I know that I'll never get the luxury of that, I'll always be plagued with these wretched, troublesome feelings for you and there's only one way out of it. I tried to remove them, but it was like trying to get you to stop touching me, every time I pushed you away, you got mad and I felt guilty. It was just like that, every time I pushed away those emotions, I saw your pissed off face and I just couldn't handle this anymore.

You set me up, you made me feel these repulsive feelings and now I have to suffer. Maybe you actually hate me, hate and love **_are_** the same thing, so maybe I did something to you that made you hate me, but what was it? I never spoke to you like I did with others simply because you scared me, I feared you for what you were causing inside of me. Now I know better, I'm not that naïve little girl anymore, I won't allow you to make me feel anything.

I think I'll just lay beside you in this pretty coffin; I'm too lazy to get up. Could it be that I don't want to be saved anymore? Yeah, that's it. I don't want you to try and save me, I like this new feeling. I think I'd rather feel this numbness that I've missed for so long instead of the disgusting feeling that you made pump through my veins. Could it also be that I don't want to hurt you anymore? No, that's exactly the opposite, I want you to feel the pain you caused me to feel as my brain and heart fought one another.

You can keep the burning sensation that set a fire to my skin that you produced in me. I'm down with the emotions now. You can drown instead of me, I'm taking over myself now, and you have no control anymore.

Well that went a bit deeper for me then I thought it would. Review me please! Love you all!

-The Lovely Ghost


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